Thanksgiving & Gratitude

I am not going to make the 50,000 word count for NaNoWriMo.
More about that later....

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. We are visiting PC's family for the holiday. While I'm glad to visit, every minute that I am here I am thankful that we do not live here any longer. We can all go back home in a couple of days.

Gratitude List:
I am thankful for our house and our breathing room.
I am thankful for our children (even if they are loud and unruly).
I am thankful for my husband.
I am thankful for my dog (yes, I am one of those people).
I am thankful for myself and I am thankful that I am finally able to appreciate my own perseverance (hard-headedness) and strength.
I am thankful for my health and the health of my husband and our children and our extended family.
I am thankful that I have so many things to be thankful for.
I am blessed.

I think I will do the gratitude list more often to remind myself just how blessed I am.

Limited Connectivity, Word Count, and Rambling.

I am at The 123 and the internet air wave is sparse. Maybe this will get posted. And maybe it won't.....

Word Count for the NaNoWriMo is up to 10,515 (that's this morning's count - I've added since then), still far below what it should be for this time of the month.
I have not given up yet.
I can make the word count.
What I mean is: I can write that much each day.
However, what I'm beginning to wonder is if this story even has that much substance to it.

I'm beginning to get the feeling that all the fleshing that I thought was here may not be. In other words, I don't think this story is worth 50,000 words. And I'm scared I'm not just saying that because I'm behind: I think this may actually turn out to be a more effective story in a much shorter version.
I guess that's okay, but I really thought there was more to this than a short story.
I think I was wrong.


So what do I do - keep plugging away and strive to make the word count? Or push towards carving this story into a finished version regardless of length?

On one hand - pushing for the word count could result in a bunch of useless gobbledly gook that gets thrown in the trash (I've already got plenty of that:)). OR it could result in the hatching of another story that would be better told separately. And then I'd still have to go back and clean everything up to make something stand alone.

On the other hand - finding and defining this story and making it stand up by itself would result in a finished project even though the finish is very different from what I had planned to accomplish.

Now I'm really rambling.
If it sounds bad out here, you should see the inside of my head.

What do you guys think? Not what do you think about the inside of my head, but what do you think about the story options? (Although comments about the goings-on inside my head are fine, too.)

The First Cut

Looks as if I made the first cut for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. Here's the text from the notifying email:

Congratulations! We are emailing to notify you that your entry is eligible for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award.

Your Registration ID: 3**N*QC*A*

We take the contest review process very seriously, and are working diligently to consider each submission carefully. Submissions are now being reviewed by a team of Amazon editors and Amazon top reviewers. You should expect to be notified no later than January 15, 2008 if your entry will advance to the semi-final round.

Please keep in mind that if it becomes clear in the future that your entry violates our eligibility requirements, we reserve the right to disqualify your submission. For complete and official rules, go to http://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html?nodeId=200183240

Best of luck,ABNA Admin Team

However, I don't think it took much to make this first wave of eliminations. From what I was seeing on the forums, some people were worried about margin widths as an eliminating factor. The rules were specific about margins and related things, so I knew I'd be okay with that. Now the real judging begins: My entry will now be judged (and weighed against others) on my writing as opposed to how well I follow directions.

Aaaaaack!

I'm not even going to post a word count for NaNoWriMo.
Let's just say it's not going so well.
I cannot get my head into the story because I am firmly anchored here in reality with a feverish child and my own (very) early case of cabin fever brought on by being homebound this whole week.
On the bright side, the feverish child seems to have recovered (mostly) because he has been teasing the dog into a frenzy.
I'm going outside to play fetch.

4,603

After the weekend, my official word count for NaNoWriMo is 4,603.

I'm about 2,000 words behind where I should be if I were to write the same number of words every day for a month and get to 50,000 by the end of 30 days.

I've got a little bit of catching up to do.

If I stop thinking about everything else I should be doing -updating blogs, exercising, loading the dishwasher, laundry, cleaning the floor, repotting the plants that haven't made it inside yet, walking the dog, and checking on my feverish 7 year old who's upstairs sleeping (the list will change later, too, when one comes home on the bus and the other needs picked up at the high school at 6) - I might actually be able to catch up.

NaNoWriMo - November 1

I did well with the first day of the Novel Month.
Thier site must be jammed, though, because I couldn't even get on it yesterday. I did, however, succeed in updating my word count this morning at 4:30. Apparently, no one gets up that early (or stays up that late).

November 1st word count: 3461. Good start.

Here's the link to my profile over at NaNoWriMo (I am user #208280.)
I posted part of what I wrote yesterday over there. After I clean it up a bit, I'll post some over here. But that could be awhile.

Turd in a Snack Bag

As promised, here is a post from the pseudonym blog. While strange, it's funny. I guess I don't know why I can't post funny over here.

This was originally posted on October 8, 2007.

Here it is:

I took my Hairy Monster to the vet this morning; it's annual check-up time.

Because today is Columbus Day, the kids are home from school and that means that we didn't get up as early as usual. And that, in turn, means that no one ate breakfast on the normal schedule. That includes the dog. And eating breakfast late means the morning shit is late, too.

Generally speaking, I don't give a shit when the dog takes a shit, as long as she goes far enough from the house that I don't have to smell it or step in it (luckily, we have enough room to run that I don't have to know about it at all - most of the time). However, a stool sample is required to check for intestinal parasites. So today I had to give a shit when (and where) she gave a shit.

('Tapeworm' just doesn't have the same happy sound as 'intestinal parasite'.)

So I fed her -late- and let her out to do her business. I took a cup of coffee outside with me and I watched.

Scouting for shit.

I waited. And waited. And waited some more.

My coffee was gone and still no shit.

I brought her back in and made her sit with me while I paid bills and straightened my desk and fixed my calendar for the week.

We went back out. Same shit: NO shit.

We came back in.

I should have remembered to ask the vet about the acceptable age of the required stool sample.

Does it have to be fresh?

Can it be from last night or yesterday morning?

What about week old shit? Like when I actually call to make the appointment and I'm thinking about collecting shit and reminding myself that I have to do it: I'm thinking about it right then; can I collect the shit then and save it until I come in?

Should I refrigerate it? Or does that kill the worms? Do they have to be alive to detect them?

It would be much easier to put a turd in a Tupperware container (make that a Gladware container - they're cheaper and I won't mind throwing it out so much) and save it. That way I'm not out waiting for a bowel movement right before I have to leave.

Late for shit. (Try using that as an excuse, kids!)

I'm the only one who actually reheats and eats leftovers around here (I pack them for my lunch every day), so it's not like someone else would come across the lonely little nearly-frozen, potentially worm-y turd in the refrigerator.

I had given up on collecting a fresh sample; it was late and we had to go.

I cut up a piece of bologna and put it in the Gladware container instead. If she couldn't take a shit, at least she would have a reason to act like she has some manners. Then I grabbed her leash and although she'd already been out several times this morning, she got all excited and drool-y.

Like normal.

And then I showed her the bologna and she jumped around and drooled some more.

If going for a walk is a treat, going for a ride is the doggy equivalent of a banana split.

She was so excited she took a shit.

Which is what I wanted, but not when I wanted.

I put her in the car and told her to wait.

Luckily, I had the bologna, so she listened.

I couldn't bear to part with the bologna because then she would act like an asshole without a brain in the veterinarian's office.

And that makes me feel like an asshole. Plus, it makes me mad to feel like an asshole.

So, I opened the trunk to see what else I could find to deposit my warm collection in.

Being the good mother that I am, I always have plenty of shit in the trunk. Usually garbage and cast-off snack remnants from various soccer games and football games and miscellaneous activities (if I were a better mother, I'd probably clean out the car, too, but there's a limit).

The best I could do was a snack-sized zipper bag. So the snack-sized zipper bag it was.

Nothing like a warm, mushy turd in a see-through plastic bag.

Being a mother, I've had plenty of experience with gross stuff. Part of the job description is 'Shit Scooper' and 'Vomit Vacuum.' After enough years of being the main household cleaner-upper of various body excrement, the gag reflex becomes much less pronounced.

This morning that was very fortunate.

I think the veterinary technician who took the bag of shit from me must have been a mother, too.

Confession

Why is it that the words 'confession' and 'secret' can grab just about anyone's attention?

I hope I have yours.

In response to the Ask Dr. Ding post 'Confession is Good for the Soul' I have decided to reveal a secret of my own.

The other deciding factor was this blog: The Brazen Careerist, particularly Penelope's post 'My name is not really Penelope.'
I'm confused often enough as it is.

I have been keeping another blog.
If you read this one, you probably also read (or check in on occasionally) The Grafton 123 blog, so that's not a surprise.
However, I have another blog that until recently I did not claim as my own. I used a pseudonym and wrote things that didn't have anything to do with The 123 or myself as a writer.
But, the problem I'm finding is that everything about me has to do with writer me, rather it's about writing or not. A look at recent postings about body image and self-esteem is proof that anything that stirs me as a person ends up reflected in what I write.
Everything.
And to some degree it's the exposure that has kept me from writing some things that are important to me. Not only in this blog, but also for other outlets.
Just as importantly, the fear of exposure has prevented me from marketing myself and my writing with more vigor.
If I intend to write -and hopefully make any kind of living doing it- I am going to have to let go of some of my fears.

So, that's really what this post is about: letting go of my fears.
I am a real person and, like all good writing, my writing should reflect that.

No, I'm not going to give you the link to the other blog (it's coming down soon anyway), but I am going to -slowly- move some of the entries from there over to here.

And no, this doesn't mean that every subject is fair game. I still like my privacy and I'm not sure how I feel about plastering my kids' information all over the place, either.

What I'm saying is: I don't know where the lines of acceptable are. I suppose I will figure that out as I go along. But I do know that it's okay to be a real person and my feelings and thoughts are just as valid as anyone else's. I don't know why I have such trouble with that (okay, I have a few ideas, but I won't get into that right now...).

Media Images vs. Self-Esteem

I won't get all soap-boxy (because if you read this post, I already had a little rant about media images), but one of my readers (Thanks, Courtney:)) sent me this video:

Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty has been working toward drawing attention to the problems that arise from being bombarded with images of beautiful people 24/7.

As the mother of a beautiful 10 year old girl, I am particularly concerned about it.

Here's a quote (from this article):

"Although 75 percent of 8- and 9-year-old girls in the study said they like their looks, only 56 percent of those ages 12 and 13 did. And of the 33 percent of girls ages 14-17 who said they're too fat, two-thirds were dieting. Ninety percent of eating disorders are diagnosed in girls."

Not only is this cause for alarm, but I would be willing to bet that these numbers are not as high as they should be. The problem is far worse than we realize. Eating disorders are a private hell that not everyone is going to share with a poll, anonymous or not.

Dove's website offers resources for Moms and other mentors, as well as straight talk for girls.

"I feel fat" is not a valid statement.

Fat is not a feeling.

Plot Threads & Novel Prep

In preparation for next Thursday (Nov. 1 - NaNoWriMo Month), I've been organizing my thoughts and my office.

Here's a picture of the dry erase board that I hung beside my desk. I'm using it as a visual timeline reference:

(This picture makes it look crooked, doesn't it? I used a level before nailing it on there. I hate extra, unnecessary holes in the wall.)

It's just about empty. I tried to write a rough outline of scenes and current events in chronological order, but I haven't gotten very far. Individual scenes are written on index cards and shuffled according to need. This visual aid is supposed to give me the information at a glance instead of digging through a pile of scribbled-on cards. It might work if I actually write something on it.

The next tool is a new one to me. I thought of it because I do think much better with visual prompting. I think all the reading I have done (and do) has wired my brain to more efficiently use information I can see; I like audio books, but I can't wrap my head around the information nearly as well as if I read it myself. (Or maybe multi-tasking interferes. Or maybe it's the screaming children.)

This picture is the view from the doorway to my office:

See those strings hanging from the light?

Those are plot threads (ha). Each string has a tag on it with the basic conflict that needs to be addressed and solved one way or another. The light from the window is blocking out the tags in this picture, but they are there -written big enough and simple enough that I can see from my seat behind the desk.

I needed a way to keep track of each strand of story. When I write, I have a hard time seeing the forest because I have my nose against a tree - each tree, one tree at a time. I hope that this little ploy will assist me in keeping track of everyone's conflicts - all the big ones, but more importantly, all the small ones that are easy to forget about when I've got my nose smashed into the rough bark of another tree.

Yeah, it's kind of silly, but I'm not above silly to get the job done.

When I start a project, I have a vague idea of what it's about. I start with a question, usually a 'what if?' question.

For Vultures, it went something like this:

What if you shot someone's dog?

What if that person just happened to be a bit, uh, unbalanced (or just a plain garden-variety lunatic)?

What would he do?

So, I knew the 'what if?' - the driving question that starts the book. I dreamed up my setting and the characters lived in my brain, percolating for months before I knew them well enough to start writing. The act of writing gave the characters flesh and personality, but it also did the same thing for the plot: as the characters became more involved in the story, their actions and individual quirks began to mold the plot. Essentially, the plot development is a natural consequence of character.

A threatening lunatic would be dealt with very differently by a Bible-toting Sunday school teacher and, say, a pot-smoking pregnant night shift nurse. Right?

And, of course, the ever-present energetic question, "What if...?"

What I mean is: it takes a special kind of crazy to: 1.) Shoot someone's dog. At their house. And 2.) to write a book in the first place. Doing it is a helluva lot harder than talking about it.

These physical plot threads will be a constant reminder of the loose ends that need tending to as I go along studying the moss that grows up the trunk of each tree. The more complicated the story, the more involved I get with the story, the more threads there will be.

Sometime along about the middle of November I'll take another picture so I can share the thread proliferation. I anticipate that there should be about 12-16 threads that deserve their own string. I'll try to get the string tags in that picture, too. If I remember, I'll tell you about the rejected idea of color coding (I'm not that organized) and the original purpose for which this string was intended....