Mind Boggling Diet Shit

Have you noticed that all the current store circulars and advertisements are focusing on organization and fitness/weight loss?

I know that a lot of psychology goes into marketing/advertisement, but this is very blatant:
You made a New Year's Resolution to get off your ass, get fit, and lose weight?
Great! Buy our products -spend lots of money! The more you spend the easier it will be to fit into a size 2! You WILL be smarter and healthier and more beautiful in 2008 if you buy this! and this! and this! Just buy! buy! buy! No matter that you've made the same damn resolutions for the last 17 years - THIS IS THE YEAR! Believe it! Buy it! Be it!

Blech.

Okay, don't get me wrong. I'm all about self-analysis and improvement, but I don't think making an impulse buy of some ridiculous piece of workout equipment is going to get me to where I want to go. Besides, that new 'Magic Leg' machine will most likely function best as a coat hanger and dust collector. And you need another clothes rack, right?

Here's something else I have to make fun of (I can't help myself):

The Diet Fork. And yes, it uses dietfork.com (a nifty little domain name, huh?). And for the tab description it uses 'The Fitness Diet Fork.' I'm just learning about some of these online 'pings' and other such mysteries of internet marketing, but it seems to me that 'Fitness' got thrown in there with 'Diet,' so that it would have double the hit power with search engines (somebody correct me if I'm wrong, or if you understand how all this crap works maybe you can explain it better than I can?).
The website proclaims: "America's First Diet Fork" and "Make Dieting Fun" (which I originally misread as 'Make Fun of Dieting' to which I immediately thought, "I can do that!").
And here's a great quote:

"New York , NY (PRWEB) - June 10, 2007. - A new diet weapon is launched, the Diet Fork. By eliminating over-indulgence, and creating a "chewing fitness" dieters can now assist in metabolism by chewing more, less portions, and taking longer to eat."

Disregarding the grammatical problems, do we really need a 'diet weapon?' What are you gonna do, shoot the food? Or just stab it? Just think, this nifty little tool can eliminate over-indulgence (really?) and create "chewing fitness." What the hell is chewing fitness?

And apparently, one of the 'Key Factors' of this amazing new product is an

• "Uncomfortable grip compelling user to put fork down between bites, slowing the user's eating speed."

What the hell? Turn your eating experience into a torture session and maybe you can finally shrink your fat ass! But, really, I wonder what that means (there is no real picture of the product, just a stylized silhouette of a fork)? Is the handle covered in tiny little spikes? If you get too into shoveling food in your mouth will you end up with blood oozing out of a bunch of little holes?

And, finally:

The website's homepage has both of the required pictures for any real diet:

1. a girl in a bikini
2. large piles of food

What a bunch of assholes.